Does that mean he’ll be the first person to be officially #blessed?
He’ll quite possibly be the first Saint to have the porn stash on his hard drive or phone thoroughly reviewed and analyzed by theology students.
Soon hundreds of churches will claim to have a genuine fragment of his fidget spinner.
And be cured of diseases after reading his old Myspace account
Behold this sacred relic! It’s his old samsung S5!
Turns out 700 years later it was fraud sold to them by a traveling grifter, as every monestary in the area has the same samgung S5.
Although Acutis’ parents were not religious, the young boy’s faith was nurtured by his Polish nanny
we’re sorry
Wait. What was she polishing?
delete your account
Awwww…🥺
What a load of utter bullshit xD
According to tradition, Saint Bartholomew was flayed alive and then beheaded.
I’m just saying, saint standards have dropped.
Traditionally you had to wait like a century as well.
I guess the tech bro mantra of “move fast and break things” has reached the Vatican?
Dude made a website. I would think the 70 yearolds were impressed that the guy was the first person to be good with computers
who cares?
Leader of a cult who believes in sky wizard, makes other random cult member slightly more important in the cult
I care because it’s funny to laugh at.
Where were you when god said ‘skibidi rizz ohio’
Millennial, not Gen Alpha.
I feel sad for the gen beta, whenever it starts
I’m thinking that will be gen “remenants of civilization” if things keep going the way they’re going…
BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER
BOBER KURWA
Makes as much sense as anything else the Church has done.
No possible way this could go wrong anytime soon.
Why soon?
LOL i love how desperate they are
Lisan al Gaib!
I took a miraculously big shit while reading this that almost killed me. Did I come close?
Dear Saint Influencer,
We gather today in your name, seeking guidance from the one who became a force of nature on social media. As we bow our heads and close our eyes, we hope to channel your divine energy and find solace in your heavenly presence.
Oh, mighty saint, you were once an ordinary teenager, just like us, struggling with the trials and tribulations of adolescence. But then, you found your calling—the internet! With your finger on the pulse of the latest trends and hashtags, you rose to fame and amassed legions of followers who hung onto your every word.
Now, as you sit amongst the clouds, watching over us mortals, we plead for your intercession. Help us navigate the treacherous waters of online interactions, where trolls lurk in the shadows waiting to strike with their venomous words. Guide us in crafting the perfect selfie that will garner thousands of likes and prove to the world that we too are worthy of adoration. And most importantly, remind us to #StayPositive even when the comments section becomes a cesspool of negativity.
Saint Influencer, you were able to convert your followers into disciples by sharing your wisdom about fashion, beauty, and life itself. We ask you to help us do the same within our own spheres of influence. Teach us how to engage our audience without sacrificing our authenticity or selling out to corporate sponsors.
As we continue our journey through this digital age, grant us the ability to maintain our sanity amidst the chaos. Remind us not to take ourselves too seriously and always remember that, at the end of the day, it’s just social media.
Amen.
#LordAndSaviorOfInfluencers #SaintInfluencer #DigitalDivineIntervention
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