Other post discussion: https://kbin.social/m/news/t/79608

Never was spiritual. Grew up in a high demand religion, some aspects quite cultish. Left in my 20s. All my family is still trapped in it.

Wasn’t. Died two days ago. :⁠’⁠(

Writer of my favorite books. I am broke.

“How surely are the dead beyond dead. Death is what the living carry with them. A state of dread, like some uncanny foretaste of a bitter memory. But the dead do not remember and nothingness is not a curse. Far from it.”

Cormac McCarthy, Suttree

To me, he and Camus illuminate the struggle of life. You make your own reason. The struggle is the reason.

Yeah, but what do I do to get that little rush of self-satisfaction from down voting a comment I disagree with? /s

In all seriousness, it may require a little more diligence from community mods to police comments which violate beehaw community standards since they won’t fall to the bottom or be hidden as fast.

Hey man, it sounds like you still may be depressed. From one internet stranger to another, I want to tell you that you have value. From your post I can infer that you’re an eloquent writer, that you consider the feelings of others, and that you appear to treat other with kindness. We need more people in the world like that. Please, seek out a mental health professional if you feel depressed or suicidal.

I was depressed for while in my 20s. I was stuck in a job I hated, living 1000s of miles from my family, lonely, and zero prospects for a relationship. I spent all my free time alone and distracting myself from my depression with video games. My worldview was devastated as I had been learning that I was raised in a cult. I was unnecessarily carrying shame from my childhood for normal human behavior. Also, I was still a virgin* until 30. (*Now I think the term “virgin” is a weird harmful patriarchy concept. A person’s value is not indicated by whether they have had sex or not.)

Although you’re a bit older now than I was at the time, we are about the same age now. We are not too old for happiness. Things can and will get better. The night after I married my wife (mid 30s), I broke down sobbing because until that moment I wasn’t sure anybody would fully accept me as I was. But she does, faults and all, and goddammit I love her for it.

Tell us your story. Why do you think you haven’t ever been in a serious relationship?