At least for me, there is a big difference between naming things at home and naming things for work.
Work “pet” machines get systematic names based on function, location, ownership and/or serial/asset numbers. There aren’t very many of them these days. If they are “cattle” then they get random names, and their build is ephemeral. If they go wrong or need an upgrade, they get rebuilt and their replacement build gets a new random name. Whether they are pets or cattle, the hostnames are secondary to tags and other metadata, and in most cases the tags are used to identify the machines in the first instance, because tags are far more flexible and descriptive than a hostname.
At home, where the number of machines is limited, I know all of them like the back of my hand, and it’s mostly just me touching them, whimsical names are where it’s at.
As have Android users. Microsoft Phone Link/My Phone Companion and KDE Connect have supported this for years on their relevant PC platforms. The Phone Link Android app is even preinstalled on Samsung devices. There’s a teensy bit of setup but nothing complicated. KDE Connect even supports stuff like using the phone as a touchpad, remote keyboard, or media/presentation controller.
If your PC is a Chromebook then you don’t even need these. If you sign into the phone and Chromebook with the same Google account, the integration just works, much as it does on Apple devices.
Most of your arguments can be boiled down to “everything is really slick if you use an all-Apple ecosystem”. Which is fine, but the same can be said about Android - if you use an all-Google ecosystem with Pixels, Chromebooks and Google Workspace then most, if not all of your complaints about Android go away. Pixel Android is more consistent and less buggy than most vendor versions of Android. Integration with Chromebooks works out of the box. Google Workspace MDM is simple and straightforward, and you don’t really need to buy a separate MDM solution.
The difference is that Android at least makes a decent effort to cater for a heterogeneous ecosystem. With Apple, if you’re not entirely onboard with an all-Apple ecosystem then it starts getting messy quickly.