Not Excel, but one of the most hilarious uses of Google Sheets I’ve ever seen

Don’t read? More like can’t read!

I dunno, I decided to react to something while only informed by other uninformed comments. It was a poor choice.

Politics under the guise of religious differences?

Well, maybe I’d know that if I’d read the article. Did you ever consider that I was being lazy and vocal while uninformed?!

I don’t know why I’m making it seem like this is your fault, but I hope you’ve learned your lesson

I think she is a legend for what she did and I think USPS was absolutely right to fire her for it.

I hope the mail goes back to being apolitical and that she experiences a soft landing and strong launch career-wise

20-foot lifted vehicles would probably be considerably safer:

1. They’d easily have the clearance to safely navigate over most pedestrians in their path.
2. Any attempts to balance them well would be incredibly expensive and you’d likely have many drivers whose cars would fall over from insufficiently sized tires or whatever.

Hmmm… 🤔 Now that I think about it, maybe we should subsidize these lift kits to make this a self-solving problem

It’s just gonna fall off the Empire State Building trying to save Nicole Kidman

He liked fava beanis

I’m not going to go to some backwoods country and tell them how to live their lives

“Nah, we like your people oppressed”

He must have shouted that quote so that the interviewer could hear him with his head so far up Elon’s ass

How do they even afford to eat???

Which is why I always bring a knife to a pillow fight!

I’ve lost many friends…

Something something outsourcing calls and other Indian stereotypes

And instead of paying them, pay 500 toddlers $2 each to kick them in the shins their entire career

I thought he saved his urine in jars

Then again, I guess you can save multiple things in jars

Thanks! Now that I’ve got a fan base to disappoint, it’s time say something disturbingly sexist or transphobic.

Girls have a button and boys have a pole. Wicked touching takes its toll.

And then write Harry Potter style books about himself!

• President Trump and Roger Stone
• President Trump and the Chamberpot of Secret Documents
• President Trump and the Prisoner of Financial Scams
• President Trump and Everyone’s Fired
• President Trump and the Order of the Hamberder
• President Trump and the Half-Baked Concept of a Plan
• President Trump and the Deathly Hollow Promise

While I don’t agree with your statement, as a republican, I have no ability to tell you whether I like or dislike what you’ve said. I know which one and only statement I like, and your statement was not it.

\s

Probably doing a golf pop

Wait wait wait, now you’re just bungling the story tooooo much.

• It was a quail hunt, not pheasant
• Yes, security detail was there, but he didn’t shoot any of them. He shot a lawyer and the secret service helped him
• The lawyer he shot also had a heart attack from one of the pellets getting close to his heart
• The secret service claim they waited an entire fucking hour before notifying the local sheriff
• The sheriff said they didn’t find out until the next day

What probably happened is he got target fixation while the bird flew in a path that… well… ooooppsssies

You forgot the best part of the whole “ooooppsssies”:
The fucking lawyer later went on tv TO APOLOGIZE TO DICK CHENEY FOR HIS BAD PUBLICITY DUE TO GETTING SHOT IN THE FACE