Yes, they do, and 99.99% of parents who fuck around and neglect their kids do indeed lose them forever. So do 99.99% of biological parents who did nothing except sign the papers under duress. It’s just that it’s a statistical non-issue that someone is going to even try to steal your baby back, and the 4-5 years of court cases are there specifically to make sure that all parties are heard. Honestly, the only time I’ve really even seen this recently has to do Native American tribes, who have a very different relationship with this process and some pretty strong reasons to distrust the system.

I can tell you feel strongly about this, and I don’t want to imply there’s no room for nuance or that negligent parents deserve an unlimited number of re-tries, or that adoptive parents don’t love their kids. My adoptive parents are/were broken people in many ways, but I never felt unloved or unwanted. I do feel very strongly that infant stranger adoption has an outsized role in family planning options that pushes it to a darker place than it needs to be, and that in foster situations reunification should be the goal if it’s practical. For both, if all parties are acting in good faith and in the interests of children, then the numbers will land where they land. I just don’t think we’re there right now, through a combination of cultural norms and governmental policy.

1. The genetic details absolutely matter. There’s no one factor that’s determinative, but it’s utter bullshit to say the nature half of nature versus nurture doesn’t matter. It matters even for adoption within similar ethnic backgrounds, to say nothing of trans-racial adoption.

2. The main thing is the child’s welfare, and what’s best for kids is that as many natural families as is at all practicable have the resources to raise them. The fact that we route so many resources to get babies into the hands of rich white couples instead of supporting communities and families so that an unplanned pregnancy is not a disaster is what is bad for child welfare.

Yup, and even apart from that they say it like it’s not a health risk to carry and deliver a baby, a professional risk to even be pregnant, and that separation is lifelong trauma for all involved. It’s perfectly possible to raise an adopted kid well enough that it’s a not a major component of their personality, but it’s a challenge that must be handled.

And that’s best case. I’m super pleased to have been born, but honestly I’m not sure my birth mother thrived how she might have if she’d made a different choice with her own body. She’s a sweet, sensitive lady and the couple of times I’ve met her I can tell it weighed on her for decades.

It’s also super expensive.

This is because adoption of healthy infants in the US is a market. A regulated and yet still dysfunctional one, and one with a pretty weird relationship to its supply side, but that’s absolutely what it is. It was even worse in decades past.

As an adoptee from the Mormon system, let me tell you that if I hadn’t already bailed on that bonkers religion, it would have happened after visiting the “Family Services” office by slinking through the side door in the food storage warehouse in the light-industrial park in search of my legally entitled information, only to learn it was a one-page printout of nonsense and very much did not include the letter I was later told by my birth mother that she’d given them. I also grew up knowing that I cost approximately as much as a small speedboat, and later realized that my mom’s conversion from being a died-in-the-wool baptist to the LDS church happened almost exactly a year before I was acquired. Hmmm…

This is extremely rare and focusing on it promotes an unhealthy mindset among potential adoptive parents. No one is entitled to a healthy infant with no strings attached, and adoption inherently does come with strings attached, even if people try to pretend otherwise. I daresay if this is explicitly on someone’s mind, they should consider whether they should be adopting at all. It’s literally a smaller risk than that your kid will die in a car crash, with the added relief of said child not being dead.

So, I was specifically trying to allow for scenarios like yours by saying it shouldn’t be in the “culture of family planning.” It’s extremely sad that people who want children can’t have them. If they feel a calling to build a family and care for a child whom the universe has failed, then wonderful. They should seek out fostering opportunities, get training and counseling to understand their role in the process, and to find the joy in reuniting when birth parents get their shit together. If that doesn’t happen and they adopt or assume permanent legal guardianship, then they are doing a service by mitigating the trauma experienced by a child. Unfortunately, people like this are exceedingly rare.

What happens more often is people are made to feel like they deserve a healthy infant with no strings attached (look at some of the other posts in this thread), and the large number of them creates a culture of pressuring birth mothers (usually indirectly, but not always), putting resources into tracking down babies or jumping the line, or when that fails, throwing money at the international process where their relative wealth brings out the bad actors and the temporarily desperate. In America at least, there are something like 20 qualified birth parent couples (to say nothing of the single folks who also have the means to support a child) for every healthy infant that enters the system. The normal thing would be to go to the back of the line and hope a call comes before you age out.

Instead, you get a scramble and competition and agencies that are nominally non-profit, but certainly have financial incentives to preserve their jobs and status (to say nothing of attorneys in truly private adoptions), pop up to serve the demand, and there are only so many ways to procure and price a supply, and most of them are at least somewhat unsavory. The international market tends to serve people who couldn’t bubble to the top of the domestic process, so it’s even worse.

Honestly, stranger adoption really just shouldn’t be a part of the culture of family planning, and it’s one of those little out-of-the-way corners of American life that’s unexpectedly toxic. Seems like in other Western countries, the mainstream culture is a little better and lack of “domestic supply” means that the overseas adoptions still happen a ton, so while I guess it’s better in aggregate, it’s obviously still devastating in the particulars. Of course, then you have to unpack whether and how much a resistance to adoption is a symptom of small mindedness, but that’s a different discussion. Enough to say the American approach is awful.

Adoption outside the natural family should be a trauma-mitigation tool when all else has failed or a birth mother is personally determined to see it through. Few (not zero, but few) things mess up a parent-child dynamic more consistently than a rich couple trying to “save” a baby.

In case anybody’s wondering, Fox News currently has this story 27th out of their normally formatted links on their home page, with the headline “GOP gubernatorial candidate vehemently denies graphic allegations, won’t exit race”.

You’ll need to scroll past gems like:

• CNN reporter lectures boat-owning Trump supporter on economy — but he isn’t having it
• NFL Hall of Fame coach [openly homophobic Tony Dungy] posts fiery response to VP Harris’ tweet about abortion
• Martha Stewart, Ina Garten dish on how decades-long friendship came to an end

Well, I’m happy to have been wrong about the support system. Heal up, and maybe view the annoyance as one of the few downsides of your lifestyle. What’s offputting to you may save someone else’s life. Best of luck!

So you’re a little older, on a fixed income, don’t have a support system nearby, don’t have a place you can stay that has dedicated bathroom facilities or even room to stand up indoors, and you just had a not-insignificant surgery that comes with, at a minimum, laparoscopic incisions, and could significantly affect the way your body processes its diet.

You may well be doing fine, but I’m not calling out either the doctor or the social worker here. Pushing you a little and making you insist you’re happy was a reasonable call.

But you see, Maduro is an unhinged left-wing authoritarian, and trump is an unhinged right-wing authoritarian, so they’re very different!

The lack of an endorsement is a big blow to Trump, who invited O’Brien to be the first Teamsters leader in the union’s 121-year history to speak at the Republican National Convention in July.

Sounds like O’Brien knows that he went a step too far in assuming a Trump win was inevitable and kissing the diaper.

I don’t know if he hates it, but it’s definitely tied to something almost compulsive:

His mother urged him to go to college, but he dropped out of East Carolina University after two weeks. Instead of going to class, he spent most of his time on campus editing videos in his car.

“That’s all I ever talked about at school. I thought I was a freak of nature,” he told content creators and podcasters Colin and Samir in September. “People would tell me, ‘All you do is talk about YouTube videos. You’re too obsessed with YouTube. Get a life…’”

…In past interviews, Donaldson has said he studied the YouTube recommendation algorithm and other creators’ stats meticulously to come up with a recipe for making his videos popular.

Fair enough. That makes a lot of sense. I have heard that the failure model for this thing likely would have been some cracking sounds, and then the implosion, but I probably shouldn’t speculate quite so hard. At any rate, the whole thing was a disaster waiting to happen, and whaddaya know, it did.

At approximately 2,274 meters, the Titan sent the message, “All good here,” according to the animation.

The last communication from the submersible was sent at approximately 3,341 meters: “Dropped two wts,” meaning drop weights, according to the Coast Guard.

All communications and tracking from the submersible to Polar Prince were lost at 3,346 meters, according to the Coast Guard.

I’m assuming a lot here, but dropping weights would likely mean they were trying to ascend. They may have had just over five meters’ worth of knowing something was going wrong (whatever that means in terms of time) before the implosion.

“threads.net” = downvote, I reckon

I was all but bending over backwards trying to hear how it might have been just a slip, bringing to bear the fact that both words have a nasal consonant and hard ‘g’ sounds, but… nope. He enunciates an ‘n’ again, clearly after he’s done saying “Haitian” and therefore where it doesn’t belong, and then he gets all the way to the hard ‘-er’, a “murmur diphthong” that simply doesn’t exist in ‘immigrant’ or ‘migrant’. The most charitable explanation with any plausibility whatsoever is that the n-word is a part of his spoken vocabulary and he failed to censor himself quickly enough.

Fuckin’ gross.

Cadets and Midshipmen are recommended by elected officials, and their future employers have management needs that will go way beyond “Cooper got two points higher on the SAT after his parents paid for twenty prep classes.” I will be interested to see what this particular SCOTUS thinks when confronted with the US military saying “we need this to optimize national security.”

I read through some of the guy’s twitterings yesterday. He was not well, to put it mildly.

“figure out what a peaceful settlement looks like,”

Per the article, followed immediately by ceding the currently occupied parts of Ukraine to Russia and Ukraine promising never to join NATO or “related” organizations. Ukraine gets a “demilitarized” zone to do what, of course, THE INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED BORDER was supposed to do.

Fucking hell. We wouldn’t ask Iran for terms like that, but a maturing democracy that is allied with us… it’s fine. After all, the west did shitty things like “offering a more appealing value proposition.” Trump is not even good at being a hegemonic power.